This is the time of the year when many people experience sadness, worry and anxiety. Stores and shops begin decorating for the holidays now, right after Halloween, giving us a full two months to fret and worry about how we will spend these few days in November and December. This time of the year is fraught with high expectations as memories of magical days from childhood occupy our unconscious thoughts and feelings. All of us have positive and maybe some negative memories of childhood holidays when we were either surrounded by family traditions and relatives or disappointed that even the holidays could not produce the magic depicted on the Hallmark card commercials on television. Whatever our early experiences, we carry forward our feelings associated with these memories into adulthood. And so, each holiday season brings forth a degree of anticipation, expectations, concerns and issues still unresolved and usually unexpressed that results in feeling of sadness, joy, worry and anxiety. This is also the time of the year when singles may particularly feel left out of the loop. It seems "couplehood" is viewed as the most desirous way of spending the holidays. Certainly, the print and media ads portray couples, families and children as the desirable norm we should all aspire to in order to be happy......thus, creating within us a sense of incompleteness and unhappiness.

I would like to suggest that we have a choice as to how we experience this time of the year. I know it is difficult not to buy into the culture perspective that is consistently presented to us. However, we have moved beyond thinking of "family" in narrow biological terms. Friends, coworkers, neighborhood acquaintances, church groups, volunteer associations, single groups are only a begininng lists of some of possible connections we can make during this season. We can begin to think about the "giving" aspect of the holidays instead of the "getting" part. Once you make this important psychological switch, all sorts of opportunities for involvement present themselves. Also, keep in mind, that for most of us, the holidays only represent in reality 3-4 days. Think about how quickly a day goes by.....in a flash it is gone. So discovering possibilities for "giving" will enhance your experience as well as serving to redefine this time of the year for you.

Adulthood is an opportunity to redesign holiday traditions. We no longer "think" like we did as children so attempting to recreate exactly the picture we carry in our hearts and minds, never feels the same anyway. Have you noticed this over the years? And yet, year after year, adults continue to repeat the same traditions and experience hoping to catch that magic and end up feeling disappointed instead. Begin by making a choice to create a new experience based upon who you are today, not upon years past.