I have been writing this column almost a year now and I thought it might be helpful to share with you some of my thoughts about counseling. I am often asked about when is the appropriate time for someone to seek counseling? How does one know the differences between what are just normal ups and downs of life or when life problems are serious enough that having an objective point of view would be helpful? I will try to shed some light on these questions?

First of all, I think the process of counseling is looked at from many different points of view. Some people view "getting" counseling like "getting" a massage or "getting" a psychic reading. They view "counseling" as a self-improvement method that becomes integrated into their lives on an ongoing basis. They believe that the more they know about themselves the greater their own efficacy in creating healthy relationships in their personal and professional lives. Counseling is viewed as an avenue of self growth.

Other people view counseling as a means to resolve a current crisis in their lives: a relationship break-up, a partner having an affair, a family crisis, a loss of a job, a death of a loved one etc. In the midst of an extreme emotional crisis, counseling is sought to ease the pain, to learn how to cope and to keep from falling emotionally apart. Certainly counseling can be helpful in these situations. With an empathic connection with a therapist who can help soothe and help educate about the process of grieving as well as impart information about how to more effectively handle life struggles, counseling can be just the ticket to help people experiencing immediate crises in their lives.

Another segment of the population utilizes counseling as a tool to help them gaining an understanding of why certain issues or problems continue to occur in their lives. A series of relationships that never seem to evolve into long term relationships. A series of what seems like missed opportunities in one’s professional life. A sense of continuing to turn around in the same circle without having the experience of moving forward. A series of bouts with depression, anxiety or compulsive behavior. Persistent feelings of low self-worth. Reenacting negative thoughts and behaviors in relationships, work, within the family and with one’s self. When thoughts, feelings and behavior do not match. Counseling can be particularly helpful in these circumstances as well. A trained, objective and empathic therapist can provide assistance in helping clients view themselves and their lives from a different viewpoint and perspective so that they can gain an understanding of their underlying issues that are making it difficult to really change the direction of their lives. We are often so close to our own issues that we can’t see the "forest for the trees," that a well-trained therapist can be very helpful in sorting through the "trees" and quickly getting to the heart of our disorientation.

The goal of any counseling is to assist the client in creating and leading a more enlightened and productive life. How to select a therapist is another monthly column!!